Whenever I get questions from guys about dating I always tell them to forget about the girl and look at themselves. That is the key. Unless you are happy with yourself without a girl, be it a full-blown relationship, or just a quick one-night stand, there is no way you’ll be happy with a girl and certainly no way she will be happy with you.
Confidence Is Key
This is what it is all about. You have to be confident. Not cocky, not arrogant, not brash. Just confident. You are who you are and you have to be happy with that, otherwise change it. If you feel that you should lose a few pounds then do it, otherwise stop complaining.
But here’s the thing. It doesn’t actually matter about those few pounds. The girls probably don’t notice it, and even if they do, they don’t care half as much as you do. Just think how many hot girls you see on the arm of not-so-hot guys. We always think that is about money, but that isn’t always true. Instead it is about the confidence of that man. Perhaps the money makes them confident, but it is the confidence that attracts the woman, the good ones at least. You do not have to lose a lot of weight, neither do you have to look like Zac Efron, or have a million-dollar career. Rather you just have to act like those things are true, or rather that those things do not matter, to be confident.
In other words, just fake it. A guy acting confident looks exactly like a guy who is confident to the girls at the bar.
It Isn’t The Be All And End All…
On of the things that really blows a man’s confidence is when he is having trouble in the dating arena. We have all been there. I certainly have. One date doesn’t go well, then two, then a girl rebuffs you at a bar, and suddenly you are having an existential crisis, wondering whether you will ever find someone. This kills you confidence and you do one of two things. You either retreat into your shell, shunning women forever and becoming a monk, or you go double or quits. You start hitting on everything that moves and the constant noes become poison.
Instead what you need to do is step back for a while and reassess. Move away from dating, bars, clubs and websites for a while and get back to the real world. Enjoy your work, your family, and your friends. Take up a new hobby, or head off on a trip. Anything to take you away from that vicious cycle of negativity. Once you do that, your mind while refresh and you will be able to go back to dating reinvigorated and ready for the challenge. Plus, you will be a more interested, more relaxed, more confident (see above) man, which will be like nectar to any girl you come across.
It’ll Take Time
Just like tip number two suggests, do not see time as your enemy. A lot of guys get so would up that they can’t get laid this second, that the ruin any long term chances. It is important to set yourself goals and think about what you really want from dating. It is a simple hook up, or something more long term. If the former, then sure, head out for the night with that in mind and don’t worry about burning bridges in pursuit of that quick lay.
But if you are actually more interested in a relationship, then remember these take time to cultivate, and are unlikely to start at a club, shouting over the DJ. Instead think about who your friends might be able to introduce you to, or where else you might be able to meet a girl. Join an art class, a gym, a wine-tasting club, anywhere where you can strike up a friendship with some women that might last.
Take the time to get to know someone, and take the time to get to know yourself. Both of these will allow you to have a much better and rewarding dating experience that will actually lead to a relationship.